Hugh Fenwick | August 2023
“Sarah carefully and thoughtfully crafted Hugh’s memorial. She captured our memories and perfectly pitched the narrative of his life. ”
I was incredibly touched (and I’ll be honest - flattered!) to get the call from Hugh Fenwick’s family about his celebration of life service because I’ve worked with them before, at their Brinkburn Estate. But only twice: a wedding at Brinkburn Manor House last month, and a photo shoot earlier this year. It felt such a huge honour to be trusted with something as important as their father’s ceremony.
I arranged to go and speak to Hugh’s wife Toni and one of his three sons, Mark, and - as we drank tea round Toni’s kitchen table and looked at family photos from their life out in Kenya - the stories unfolded.
One of the most important things for me, in this role as a celebrant planning and writing a celebration of someone’s life, is to really find the heart of who they were (and, of course, continue to be in the legacy they leave). Hugh soon took shape for me in that room - as I heard about his many adventures - as a man who often had a challenging life, but always rose to the challenge.
A determined, resourceful and resilient man who, as a child of 13, was brought to post-war Britain from his childhood home of Kenya, left at boarding school with just a cheque for the fees…and didn’t see his family again for two years.
And a brilliantly ridiculous man who, one summer not wanting to make more than one trip across the river, piled a truck 13-bales-high rather than the advised maximum of ten. He instructed his three sons and Bob, a farm worker, to sit on the top…but he set off at a real pace, oblivious to the terror in the boys and the wobble in the bales. The bales swung from side to side and then the entire vehicle toppled sideways into the river. Nobody was hurt but they all spent the next few miserable hours trying to drag water-logged hay bales onto dry land.
It’s always so helpful when loved ones are willing to let me in, sharing their most beloved, well-worn family stories. And it’s always a huge honour to hear them, and see the smiles that accompany them.
I was delighted that Hugh’s service was in the gorgeous, light and modern Northumberland Crematorium. I’d been for a tour of the new site a few months ago but it was my first ceremony there. The staff were incredibly helpful and my little changing room - with ‘Bereavement Professionals’ on the door - was the perfect place to wait, have two or three nervous wees and apply more layers of deodorant.
Afterwards I joined the family at quaint nearby pub - The Northumberland Arms - for refreshments, and the stories continued to flow. Hugh’s friend Tim regaled me with a tale of being introduced by Hugh to his elder brother ‘George’ at a dinner party, and Tim had - naturally - called Hugh’s brother ‘George’ all evening. On leaving, Hugh’s brother said “It was great to meet you but I have to say…my name is Peter?”; Hugh had found it hilarious.
“So many tears were shed but in the end we all agreed it was the memorial that Hugh would have approved.”